Dear MCR,

DEAR MCR,

2007-06-23T00:19:25Z

There was a point in my life when I reached complete darkness. When I say complete darkness, I mean there was no hope left. I had resulted in cutting and eating disorders. I was the kid that always got picked on for being different, or always pushed away because I was a "nerd." I had no reason to keep living; no reason to keep breathing. The sadness and pain was unbearable. This was a few years ago, a time that still haunts sometimes.

I would cry myself to sleep at night, feeling that nobody understood. That`s when I heard My Chem`s, "I`m Not Okay (I Promise)" on the radio. I had heard of them before, but I had never really heard their sound. That song was a light in the darkness. I asked for that CD, but my grandmom wouldn`t allow me to get it; however, I would not give up hope. Instead of buying "Three Cheers," I bought their first album "Bullets." I had never heard another band that captured me in such a way.

Being me, I looked into the band. I became interested in the members, in what they had to say. I was getting better. I felt like I had a little shard of hope to hold onto. I had my friend burn me "Three Cheers," the lyrics intoxicating me in such a wonderful way. I was so self-conscious and full of self-hate that I hadn`t realized there were other guys who could feel the same pain.

In 2002 my grandpop passed away from Pancreatic Cancer. "Three Cheers" also helped lighten the grief of that album, knowing that it was written for the grandmom that Mikey and Gerard had lost. There was a passion that stirred in me to keep going, and I stopped cutting; My eating disorder also came to a stop. I was starting to feel better about who I was, even though I was different.

The time from then to 2005 was a time that I don`t really remember. I wasn`t depressed as I had used to be. Then life caught up to me again. I was dealing with the struggles of what had happened to me when I was younger, my eating disorder was returning, and I was becoming the target to verbal abuse at school. [Girls are still mean to me because I won`t dress like them.] I was cutting again. The music had stopped working; I lost all hope in My Chemical Romance. They were just five guys who [I thought] probably didn`t really care.

It was like that until October of 2006. Over that summer my aunt had been diagnosed with Lung Cancer; I was still spiraling downward. My emotions were taking a hold of me, and I didn`t want to stop. When my aunt passed away on October 14th, I felt guilty. Instead of going to see her in the hospital, I had spent time with my boyfriend. She was my favorite aunt, and I was told she was going to make it. I didn`t like being lied to; being broken far worse than the arguing and teasing. On October 21st, I called up the local music store asking if "The Black Parade" had come in yet. He said it had, and I bought it.

Ironically, the first track that I put on was "Cancer." I cried. My grandmom cried. But I also felt like a hole had been restored in me. After losing all hope in MCR, it was as if they were telling me to hold on. I couldn`t give up now, because I had something to live for. I had to keep on going, and it wouldn`t be that hard. It made me realize more than ever that every time MCR had saved my life from the pits, my faith in them had grown stronger. I had become a stronger person. I finally started to do things I was always afraid to go. I became more involved with art, and started to take guitar lessons.

But what I have to thank MCR for more than saving my life, is saving who I was. Instead of giving in to others, and changing who I was, I learned not to take anyone`s shit. If people couldn`t accept me for who I was, there were five guys who society didn`t except either. I had five friends that I knew I could depend on when life went insane. I had five people I could hold onto when I was on the edge of everything. And although this story is long, it will never hold the power and emotion [that words cannot describe] that I feel for this band. They are not just five men. They are heroes, angels. And even when they are gone, they will hold a special place in my heart. No one can destroy this. No one can destroy me. Their lyrics are more than words ... And in finding myself with My Chemical Romance, I realized ... I am part of The Black Parade. I am a patient. And I`m going to be okay.

Sincerely,
Ashley.

Dear MCR,

2007-05-18T01:19:01Z

Sometimes I feel lost. Sometimes I feel alone. And sometimes there are things that brighten the smile on my face. I feel pathetic. I know that I shouldn`t look up to men who are just "people" like the rest of us. Maybe the relationship has become more than that...Maybe my soul has joined with the music. There is something that runs much deeper within the veins of my body; the blood. Something keeps me going. But what I really wish is to meet you face-to-face. To tell you the truth, although you`ve probably heard it so many times before. Wishful thinking, I suppose. I just hope this never ends. I need you to survive.

Sincerely,
Ashley.

Dear MCR,

2007-05-11T19:53:40Z

First of all, Thank you. Thank you for writing this song. Two days before receiving the album, and hearing the song, I attended a funeral. That funeral was for my favorite Aunt Maureen. She had passed away from lung cancer (after I had been told all along that she would get better.) During most of her treatments she had lived at our house, and I had to watch her suffer. It was painful trying to let go of her; caring for her so much, and having so many unfinished plans. I loved her; I truly didn`t want to lose her at all.

Two days later I received The Black Parade. I put it into my CD player. The first track I happened to skip to was "Cancer." I cried. My mom cried. My grandmom cried. But what helped the most was the hope this song gave. I don`t know how or why, but the song was my light in the darkness. It truly helped me cope. I can`t really understand what it is about the song that helps me cope so well, but it always seems to make me feel better. It restored faith; it restored hope. But not only with the death of my Aunt.

On July 4, 2002 my Poppop passed away from cancer. He was like the father I never had. For years I couldn`t let go; I couldn`t forgive. It was too hard. It hurt way too much. I lived in so much pain. This song helped me to finally let go; helped eased the pain. I still don`t even understand that in the least, but that`s what happened. It was as if some great weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

I knew it would be okay. I knew that life would go on. No matter how deep the scars had dug. I would spread my wings (finally) and come out ten times stronger than I ever could. So thank you. I owe a lot to you.

Sincerely,
Ashley.

Dear MCR,

2007-05-11T19:30:39Z

The first time I heard MCR I was immediately drawn to them; however, my grandmom wouldn`t let me buy Three Cheers. The first album I ever bought of theirs was Bullets. (Later on, my friend burned me Three Cheers.) Bullets changed me in a way. I don`t know how to explain it. There are bands with music that is meaningless to me, and then there are bands whose lyrics speak to me; My Chemical Romance was one of them.

Up until recently (I`d say around 2005) the only version I had of Three Cheers was the burned one. It was so worn out that none of the songs seemed to play without skipping in the middle of them. My grandmom finally, convinced by me, bought me the actual Three Cheers CD (best day of my life.) Then came Life on the Murderscene. Boom! Along came the second big change in my life.

On Murder Scene Gerard`s struggle through life spoke to my very soul. I was going through a very rough time. So much was going on; depression butts it`s way in. Hearing Gerard`s words kept me going; kept me running. I was watching Murder Scene two-three times a week. Inspiration from My Chemical Romance just came from all directions, and it was showing no signs of ending. And when watching, I felt happy; finally happy.

Then MCR released The Black Parade. Good ol` TBP. And where do I start? I got the CD four days before the actual release. And then came the third big change. The motivation I had lost, that I needed so badly at the time to keep living, had finally arrived. And knowing that even in the darkest moments of my life, I had MCR as my closest friend. There were five other guys who felt that way, too. As it had for them, the story of this album had become mine, too.

I had become the patient; I had joined The Black Parade.

Sincerely,
Ashley.